Anatomy of a Composition - Letters Trapped in Our Thoughts

This has been said, at least in my mind, more times than I can count, but recently a favorite musician reminded me of the sentiment; that there are “ghosts” in the world and that our lives are imprinted with the memories of hundreds of encounters throughout the course of our time here.  There’s something about the super-connected nature of these relationships, and that no matter how many times we think these connections might be dead, we really don’t want them to be gone. 

This is probably the greatest crux of existence, that each moment is just that, a moment. We travel, or better yet lurch, from one moment to the next rarely aware of the thread that connects those many thousands of moments. When the simplest explanation may be to look into that story and not necessarily outside of it for any sort of answer; that doesn’t seem to be the case as we try to find answers to improbable circumstances.  In reality self-reflection is where the answers really lie - we are the common thread tying it all together. 

That thread is made up of the high emotions that we associate with those moments.  The great joys and ephemeral flights along with the devastating lows and debilitating grief are the waypoints we use to tie the thread of this life. In all of it there are ghosts, or what Asimov referred to as “ghosts in the machine;” the memories that remain even after the connection has long been severed. While Asimov was writing in scientific prose, attempting to theorize the directions that artificial intelligence might go, it seems just as likely that he was illuminating the human condition where we reach for and feel severed limbs, and in the same way we reach for and feel those severed and long lost relationships. 

The question isn’t whether or not these ghosts exist, but more to it the question is “why are some of them so much stronger than others?” Having had a fair experience with grief I’ve come to understand that grief is not linear. While I don’t reject the notion of a “grief process” where there are specific and intentional steps, and that if you just take those steps you will find yourself healed, I think there are two courses for grief to take, either a complete dismissal of it whereby you bury the grief under the veil of busyness and detachment, or you surrender to it and let it run the course of your life until it has run through you completely and has exhausted your last nerve leaving you ready to truly accept your circumstances and make the intentional changes that will allow you to truly move forward. 

So is it the existence of these ghosts, or our acceptance of their existence that we should wonder about? Certainly we have space in our minds to hold both thoughts; acknowledging the existence may only get us part way, while accepting the ghosts may give us the peace of mind we’re actually seeking. Don’t dwell on them, just say “hi” to those ghosts when they pass by.  This scene was a reminder of that process - while it was a new scene, it brought one of those ghosts into view.  Admittedly I wasn’t very gracious at first as I was caught off guard by the visit.  The waves of regret washed over the setting and the thousands of “what-ifs?” rolled through my conscious mind.  As the gulf between past and present seemed to grow, it became more and more difficult to stay present and appreciate the evolving scene, with the low clouds playing overhead and the light beginning to glow on Shavano.  But taking a few breaths, scanning a full circle around myself, and saying thank you for the experience helped to reset the moment, giving me an appreciation for that experience.  I know the ghosts will come back, that in fact they are always present, but letting them occupy that space without trying to dismiss or control them is the best way to release them from my thoughts. 

December, 2022 - As always, thank you for joining me on this adventure.

For more thoughts on some of these images, head over to www.wordpress.com/alma175w  

Letters Trapped in Our Thoughts - Sony a7riv w/ Sony FE 50GM - ISO 320 | F/8 | 1/100 sec