a great-unconformity...

It still holds true, that the worst heart to break is your own.  I wrote those words a few years ago after facing some painful truths about the decisions I had been making. And now, those words feel even more true as another round of my past decisions come to fruition.  I don’t know why I dwell on these things, but for some reason I do.  These moments draw me back to three important sentiments I’ve come to recognize over the past few years, and once again they present their lessons today.

The first, which was always wrenching, reflects on how sometimes we can’t be fixed.  That whatever has happened has in fact broken a core element, and we are never able to overcome that damage.

The second which never sits well is a quote about grief; “I sat with my anger long enough, until she told me her name was grief.” At some moments your actions feel so justified.  When in fact, they are simply selfish, in the guise of self-righteousness.

Finally, the third, I’ve tried and tried to ignore for the longest time. It is a reminder that when things fall apart, and when we do begin to put life back together, we must relinquish so much more than we ever thought we possibly could, in order to move forward, that what we hope for in the future will come at the cost of what is in our past. 

Lately, I’ve had to take a few deeper breaths than most days.  I’ve had to remind myself of consequences and a great-unconformity that surfaced and disrupted my life for a time.  I’ve had to practice again that art of releasing in order to move forward. And, remembering the value of the moments that weights were lifted by a stronger heart than my own, to relish the memories of a laugh and the brush of a shoulder that said, it was all going to be alright.